


Hiatus

by maybe_qchan



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: F/M, Incest, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3794542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybe_qchan/pseuds/maybe_qchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's always been her. From kids to adults, there's never been anyone else in your life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 7

**Author's Note:**

> This was a series of short chapters I wrote from Dipper's point of view, posting one chapter every day until I finished it. 
> 
> I wanted to create something frail, nostalgic, warm and melancholic, something I could release in short bursts, but would eventually form a fairly long arc. The story itself isn't long, but as it slowly takes place over many years, I like how it turned out.
> 
> For each chapter I tried to select a piece of music that fit the atmosphere and theme. 
> 
> Truthfully, in the process of picking songs, I was so inspired by the music by the artist Hiatus, it ended up deeply affecting some of the events in the chapters, and you could even say the song titles work as additional chapter names.
> 
> Originally written on tumblr between October 14th and October 29th 2014

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/the-magician)_   _(Hiatus - The Magician_ )  
  
 **7**  
  
You find an old chest in the attic, filled with old photos and toys. The lid is fairly heavy for your small hands but you put on a brave face. Next to the chest is a cardboard box filled with yellowed out comics and another with clothing you and your sister used to wear just a few years ago. They’re small now but you try the shirt and overalls on anyway and it makes her laugh. You strike a dramatic pose and she doubles over giggling. She lets out little snorts every now and then, and it’s the most bizarre yet exciting noise from anyone you know. You think about how you’re the one bringing it out and it makes your tummy feel strange. Her short brown hair has a few daisies in it. She’s skinny and her shorts are smudged green all over from grass. Her mouth wide open from laughter, you can see the gap from her missing tooth again. You catch yourself staring a little too long and snap out of it.

  
Suddenly feeling far more self-conscious about your appearance, you focus on removing your ridiculous outfit instead. As you’re pulling the shirt over your head, you end up pulling the one underneath as well, exposing your upper body. She tackles you with a joyful shriek and wrestles you to the ground while you still have your hands over your head, trapped inside the bundle of shirts. She straddles your hips and grins with a satisfied hum of victory and you stare at her smile again. Her toothgap is still there. The Winnie the Pooh bandaids she has on her forehead and left knee are covered in tiny doodles from magic markers. You note how none of the daisies have fallen out of her hair yet. She leans forward and pecks you on the cheek before climbing off you and helping you get back to your feet while still grinning.  
  
Your cheek feels moist and you utter something that sounded coherent in your head, but comes out mumbled and stuttery. Staring at the floor, you straighten your shirt as you hear your mother call you down to dinner. She turns to you with a smile and grabs your hand to pull you downstairs. You feel lightheaded and warm all over as you stumble after her.


	2. 10

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/feathering)  (Hiatus - Feathering)_  
  
**10**  
  
You drop what you were doing and rush downstairs when you hear the door. You slip on the last step and almost twist your ankle, but hobble towards her with what little remains of your dignity. She begins to smirk, but turns serious and quickly covers her mouth with her sleeve. She turns away from you and continues to take her shoes off with a glum look on her face. You look at your mother questioningly and she only smiles with that half-sad, half-amused, understanding look she sometimes gives you or your sister.  
  
  
  
It’s late, you’re laying in bed reading when she knocks and steps in your room without waiting for your answer. She stares at the floor and doesn’t move for a long time. You put your book down as slowly and silently as you can and you don’t even know why. You’re afraid to breathe and can hear your heart pound in your chest, looking at her not looking at you. You keep coming back to the thought that all this was your doing and you need to make it better somehow. Eventually she raises her head and, with a determined look, shuffles over to your bed. She avoids looking at your eyes and seems to be struggling with something badly. You finally gasp for air and she looks at you in surprise, letting out a confused guffaw. Her look slowly turns from surprise to a kind of serene calm and she pulls at the corners of her mouth to reveal her teeth to you. Teeth with what look like bits of metal attached to them. You stare in awe and touch your own teeth without realizing. She eventually lets go of her mouth and the two of you continue to stare at each other for a long while. You blink first and she giggles. Flashing you a grin, she skips out of your room and closes the door behind her. Your stomach feels weird again and your cheeks are warm.


	3. 14

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/the-crossing)  (Hiatus - The Crossing)_  
  
**14**  
  
You stick out your tongue and wipe your hands on her apron. She exclaims in protest and smears a whipped cream moustache and beard on your face. You lick your lips and you both giggle. Her hair is covered in flour and you think you have some sprinkles in your pockets. Your father lets out an exasperated yelp when he sees the state of the kitchen counter. The three of you clean up just in time before your mother arrives back from the grocery store. You are both forbidden from baking your own birthday cake.  
  
  
  
Donning your pirate garb and newly acquired soda bottles, you both arrr loudly and climb out the window onto the rooftop. You drop your bag of chips and she laughs, promising you can have some of hers. You grin sheepishly and scoot to make more room for her, but she scoots and closes the gap between you again. Something shifts in your stomach.  
  
You watch the sun slowly set and listen to the noise of the town together, lightly talking every now and then. You comment something on the man cycling that makes her giggle and snort soda out of her nose. You both crack up laughing and she punches you in the shoulder. You apologize and help her wipe the mess with napkins. As you’re dabbing her jeans dry, she gives you a look that you haven’t seen before and it makes your heart jump and your whole body feel hot. She looks at her lap, smiles and takes another sip of her soda. She comments how much she likes sitting on this roof every week and just talking about everything. You agree and she smiles with an odd look in her eyes that you can’t quite read.  
  
After a moment, she lifts up her eyepatch and untangles its string from her hair with a giggle. She puts her soda down and slowly removes the bag of chips from between you. Then she takes a breath, grabs both sides of your face and kisses you on the lips before laughing and pushing you off the roof, into the pile of leaves below. You stare at the sky on your back, eyes wide open, heart pounding, cheeks hot, lips lightly tingling.


	4. 15

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/precious-little)  (Hiatus - Precious Little)_  
  
**15**  
  
You notice she lets go of your hand as you hear a sudden loud screech and a blinding light from your side. She screams something behind you and you feel a hard shove on your back before something passes you with a defeaning whoosh. You land on your stomach and hit your head on the pavement with a noise that sounded like a sickening thump and a yelp. Your forehead stings and pulses with an increasing wet and burning feeling. Your vision blurry, you stare at the red brakelights of a stopped vehicle and her laying on the ground by one of the wheels. Everything coming into sharp, horrifying focus, you start screaming at the top of your lungs as you desperately scramble to your feet and hobble towards her. Her eyes are closed and her right arm is in an impossible, hideous angle. You call out her name repeatedly as you cradle her head and squeeze your eyes shut and grit your teeth. It should have been you.  
  
It should have been you.  
  
It should have been you.  
It should have been you it should have been you itshouldhavebeenyouitshouldhavebeenyouitshouldhavebeenyouitshouldhavebeenyouitshouldhavebeenyou  
  
Please let it be you.  
  
Please let it be you.  
  
Please let it be you.  
  
You wake up by her hospital bed, clutching her left hand. It’s dark outside and the air from the open window smells like it’s been raining. She stirs, focuses a tired peek at you and smiles sleepily. Your eyes sting and can’t look at her as you mumble more apologies into the bedsheets. She squeezes your hand tighter, sticks her tongue out and whispers again how it’s not your fault. But you know it is. It’ll always be your fault. It wasn’t you.


	5. 16

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/garden)  (Hiatus - Garden)_  
  
**16**  
  
The woman who was driving visits you again. She brings a cake, just like she does every week. You remember she makes good cakes. The woman asks her how she’s doing, like she does every week. She smiles at the woman and invites her inside, like she does every week, and the woman looks down at her feet awkwardly and says she can’t, like she does every week. Then she smiles sadly and bids you both good day before leaving. Like she does every week.  
  
  
  
She comes home after school and you can tell she’s been crying. She smiles at you carefully but when you reach your hand out towards her, the smile falters and she brushes past you and runs upstairs. Her door is locked and she doesn’t answer when you call out her name. You later talk to Lisa on the phone and she tells you Daniel Cadwell tacked her letter on the school’s notification board, with red pen markings mocking her handwriting and confession. It’s been a year now and her hand still hasn’t quite recovered. You remember she’d dreamed of going out with Daniel for the last 16 months or so.  
  
Your head hurts and you can feel the corner of your forehead burn as you get on your bike. You ride over to Daniel’s house and stupidly pick a fight with him on their front yard. As the neighbors watch, you don’t heed his warning telling you to go home. As you grab his shirt, a tiny voice at the back of your mind reminds you nothing good will come of this. You’re not some knight defending someone’s honor. Your head hurts. You’re not saving anyone. He punches you in the gut twice, then hits the side of your head and you almost black out. You only later notice you cracked your glasses in the scuffle.  
  
She doesn’t talk to you for three weeks.


	6. 17

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/rebuilding)  (Hiatus - Rebuilding)_  
  
**17**  
  
The morning sunlight feels too bright and your head hurts as you get into the backseat of the car. Last night’s argument still playing over and over in your mind, you didn’t get much sleep. Much like last month. And a few weeks before that. You remain quiet when she sits down next to you and stares out the window without a word. She’s wearing that old shirt again, the one you gave her for christmas three years ago. Your heart beats a little faster for some reason. You look at her in the rearview mirror and she seems to have bags under her eyes. Your mother comments on the weather and starts the car.  
  
About half an hour into the journey, she silently takes your hand. You glance at her in the mirror and she’s still looking out the window. You smile to yourself in relief and and carefully squeeze her hand. She squeezes back and as you glance at the mirror again, you can see she has a careful grin. Your heart flutters. You don’t let go of her hand for the rest of the trip.  
  
  
  
The woman who was driving, Grace, visits again. She smiles at Grace and asks her to come in. Grace quietly explains she can’t and bids you both a good day, like she does every week. She asks Grace to wait and walks over to her. She stands in front of Grace and then wraps her in a tight hug. Grace’s eyes widen in surprise and she doesn’t seem to know what to do at first, her hands hanging in the air helplessly. Then her eyes slowly soften and she starts weeping, carefully hugging her back. Tears streaming down her face, Grace cries openly and slumps to her knees while she simply continues to hug her and gently pat her back. You invite Grace inside for tea and she eventually accepts. The three of you talk for a long while. You learn Grace is very nice and has a little daughter, who is 8 now.


	7. 18

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/change-up)  (Hiatus - Change Up)_  
  
**18**  
  
You look at the time and to your surprise notice it’s past 4 in the morning. You’ve been up all night talking with her and realize you don’t want to stop. She shifts on the couch and your knees touch. As she brushes some stray hair behind her ear, her loose shirt falls off the shoulder again and you find yourself staring at her neck. It makes your heart skip and stomach feel light. You wonder if it’s getting warmer and blame the still burning flame in the fireplace. She yawns midsentence and closes her eyes briefly. You poke her in the shoulder and she denies being sleepy with a grin. You smile and continue to listen to her talk.  
  
  
  
You anxiously glance at the clock and try to concentrate on your reading again. It’s not working. You hear the downstairs door and carefully make your way down without waking your parents. She’s leaning against a wall heavily, struggling to take off her shoes. You slip on the last step and almost twist your ankle, cursing to yourself. She notices you and spreads her arms wide with a goofy smile. She starts to teeter to the side and you rush in to prevent her from falling over. She tells you happily what a great time she had, about all the new people she met and some cute boy she talked to for hours. You feel the corner of your forehead burn but you’re finding it hard to concentrate on it when you notice her clumsily wrap her arms around you for support. You help her out of her shoes and she continues to excitedly recall a number of anecdotes from the party, albeit in a quieter voice after you persuade her to keep it down.  
  
Eventually she goes limp in your arms and asks you to carry her in an exaggerated tone. You lean down with your back to her but she shakes her head and mumbles something about a princess. You stare at her, feeling your cheeks warm up. Your heart beats much faster as you carefully lift her up in your arms and start making your way up the stairs. She giggles and continues her stories of the evening, remembering a few more sweet things the boy she’d danced with had said to her. She smiles sleepily as you tuck her into bed and asks you to stay with her. You sit by her bed, listening to her mumble a few half sentences about the boy until she falls asleep. You turn off her phone, making sure her alarms are off and return to your room. You don’t get any sleep that night.  
  
  
  
She walks into the living room and you notice she’s wearing one of your blue shirts. Your eyes widen in surprise, but you don’t bring it up. The thought makes you feel like your face is heating up and you awkwardly shuffle out of the living room. You wonder if your parents will notice the shirt and what they would think. You wonder if she’s even aware it’s your shirt. Maybe it ended up in her laundry basket by mistake. You think about if maybe she is aware. Maybe she’s wearing it because it’s yours. Your stomach drops, your heart skips twice and you lean on a wall for support.


	8. 19

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/final-dream)  (Hiatus - Final Dream)_  
  
**19**  
  
You continue to carefully dismantle the jenga tower in the middle of the living room with her, trying to remain as quiet as possible. Pretty much everyone else remaining in the house have fallen asleep by now and it was late enough that no busses ran anymore. She giggles to herself quietly and covers her mouth with one hand, wavering a little. With the other she tries to pull a piece, all without falling over as she lays on her side. You reach for the wine bottle but notice it’s actually empty. You tip it and watch as a single drop drips out into your glass. You make an exaggerated sad face, quivering your lower lip and she snorts, quickly covering her mouth with both hands. This causes her to fall over, flail her legs out in panic and knock over the remaining tower. Jenga pieces go flying all around, one landing in the candy bowl, one in your hoodie pocket. Her boyfriend stirs on the couch, and you and her struggle badly to contain your snorts and giggles, doubling over and rolling on the carpet in spasms.  
  
Eventually you calm down and sit up a little, leaning your backs to the couch, still hiccuping and grinning stupidly. Her hand reaches for yours and gives it a gentle squeeze. You give her a smile and she smiles back warmly. Her thumb strokes the back of your hand and you squeeze her hand in reply. You sit side by side and she playfully elbows you before resting her head on your shoulder. Still holding on to your hand. She smells like rasberries and lemon. You feel at ease.. for the first time in four years. You feel something leak from your eye and sleepily brush at your cheek to find it wet. You sit up in surprise, causing her to stir next to you. You look to her and she notices something on your face, asking what’s wrong.  
  
You remember her asking you that night you broke down. How she held you and stroked your hair for what felt like hours. How you clung to her and wept. How much you despised yourself for failing her. How she gently shushed you and told you it’s alright, again and again. How she smiled and told you it wasn’t anyone’s fault. That she never, ever, regretted pushing you.  
  
You stare at her and your throat tightens and your stomach feels light. Your heart beat suddenly slows down and you feel a moment of serene calm. Something in your mind lets out a breath and you lean in and kiss her. She’s taken aback for the briefest of moments, then her lips move and part slightly. She carefully places her hands on your cheeks and tilts her head to the side as you lean in more to deepen the kiss. She lets out the quietest of moans into your mouth and then leans back and separates from your lips slowly. The motion causes you to try to lean in again, but her hands are on your chest and she gently pushes you away with a chuckle. Keeping her hand over your heart she closes her eyes and smiles. And yawns involuntarily.  
  
As you tuck her in to sleep on the last of the mattresses, she mumbles a few words of protest and tries to hold onto your shirt. You lay down on the carpet next to her, turning to lay on your side and facing away from her. As you fall asleep, you swear you felt someone’s hand brush against your back.


	9. 23

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/tiny-doors)  (Hiatus - Tiny Doors)_  
  
**23**  
  
You visit your parents for the holidays and see her for the first time in months. Her hair has grown again. She shows the christmas card she got from Grace and her daughter. They’re doing really well. You both help out with setting up the table, lightly talking and elbowing each other in the kitchen. The atmosphere over dinner is warm and cheery, your father’s old record player spinning in the living room. Your mother asks her how Neil is doing and she smiles and explains he’s fine. Couldn’t make it because of a project he was working on but he sends his love. Your mother then turns to you and asks when are you going to find a nice girl and settle down. You feel sweaty as you change subject and finish the rest of your wine glass. You try not to look at her.  
  
She gives you a new sweater. It’s even comfier and more skillfully knit than the one last year. You run your fingers over the patterns and colours and your stomach feels light. You give her the book she’d had when she was 5 and lost. You eventually managed to track down a copy and got it signed by the author. They’d even doodled all of the characters on the inner pages. She smiles at you warmly and wipes tears from her eyes. She leans to hug you but her phone rings and she excuses herself to take the call. Your father happily tries on his new hat. You don’t tell you parents, but on your way to the kitchen, you hear her argue on the phone in hushed tones.  
  
  
  
It’s late when you finally finish helping her move her boxes into her new place. You’re about to make your leave when she asks you to stay for coffee. You talk for a few hours over the kitchen table, surrounded by unopened cardboard boxes and clothing and bubblewrapped pottery. She squeezes her mug with both hands, not uttering a word. She sniffles and chuckles awkwardly. You reach over the table for her hand and gently squeeze it. She laughs with a wavering voice and quietly talks about how even though they separated a while ago, she still wakes up thinking he’s around. She rasberries weakly and hiccups a sob. You pull your chair closer to her and put your arm around her shoulder. She grabs at your shirt and cries into your chest quietly. You don’t know what to do except stroke her back and kiss the top of her head. Your heart keeps pounding and your throat feels tight. You remain there until she falls asleep in your arms.


	10. 24

_[Music for the chapter](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/still)  (Hiatus - Still)_  
  
**24**  
  
It’s pouring hard when you hear a knock on your appartment door and go open it to find her standing in the hallway, soaking wet. You get her a towel and make some tea as she sits in your kitchen. She explains she’s had a lot of time to think. About her and Neil. About you. Your heart skips a beat and you turn to focus on the kettle, hoping your voice doesn’t stutter. She fiddles with her mug and carefully asks why you never went out with anyone. You try to lie and explain you did go out with a few girls but she shakes her head and gives you that look that makes your stomach drop. You try to change the subject and look through your kitchen cabinets for bread, but she doesn’t let up. You argue for a while and she turns you to look at her. Her hands are shaking and her eyes are close to tears. She pleads you again to tell her. Your heart keeps pounding and you try to turn away but she won’t let you. You stare at her staring at you, and in her eyes.. you see it. For the second time in your life, something in your mind lets out a breath.  
  
You tell her you’ve been in love with her for so long you’ve forgotten when it started. It doesn’t even matter when it started or how. You’ve known her all your life and you want to spend the rest of it next to her. Hearing her talk.. laugh.. cry.. breathe. It’s her. It’s always been her. She shakes her head and wraps you in a crushing hug. She mumbles into your shirt and your heart beats even faster upon hearing those words. She laughs tearfully when she can hear it beating so strong. She moves her head to look at you, smiles warmly, then leans in and kisses you while wrapping her arms around your neck. It takes you a moment to believe it’s not a dream after all and you wrap your arms around her waist and kiss back.  
  
  
  
You carry the last of her boxes into your living room. Your father comments one more time how unfortunate it is that she lost her old place and how concerned her mother and him are about her studies. She smiles and assures them it’s going to be fine, there’s no need to move back in with them. As she speaks, she glances at you and your eyes meet. Your face warms up and you try to concentrate on what your mother is saying again. With a somewhat defeated nod your father turns for the door. Your mother kisses you both on the forehead and your parents get back in the car, leaving some freshly baked bread in the kitchen. She takes your hand and kisses you on the cheek as you both stare at the piles of unopened boxes. You exhale heavily as she comments on how it’s gonna be a long night. She suggests she could make some coffee. You rasberry loudly, pick her up in your arms and carry her as she squeals and laughs to the bedroom.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. The end. They lived happily ever after, of sorts.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, I'm actually really proud of how it turned out. 
> 
> Next chapter is a kind of bonus/epilogue I wrote upon request.


	11. 24.5

 

[Edina (Hiatus remix)](https://soundcloud.com/hiatus/edina-remix)  
  
_**24.5**_  
  
The video starts, and the image focuses as a woman in her 40s steps back and sits down in front of the camera hesitantly. She looks to her left then back at the camera and waves, with a nervous smile.  
  
_“Dear M. I uh… am not sure this is what you had in mind but it’s the best I can do. So just… hello again. It’s getting late so forgive the lighting. I uh.. I hope you’re doing well like usual. I am doing well, it’s been a busy day so maybe I look a bit… tired”_ she chuckles and fiddles with the end of her sleeve.  
  
_“Emily turned 15 today and… oh my, but you already knew that, yes. How silly of me. T-thank you for the new sweater, she absolutely loves the colours. And thank you for the photos, it’s so nice to see you two, the appartment looks wonderful. Your brother has turned quite handsome, I should add. But you… my goodness how more beautiful you get each year, so like my-…”_  
  
She trails off and stares out the window in the room, with a distant look on her face.  
  
_“I… I look at her and… I’m just so fortunate. So fortunate. I still.. wake up at night sometimes and… I… I’ve been unable to get behind the wheel again. I just can’t. I keep thinking about… Emily’s going to be 18 soon.. and she’ll most likely want to get a license. I should..”_  
  
She hesitated.  
  
_“I-I want to try. For her. I won’t let this control me”_  
  
She squeezes her sleeve and swallows before looking at the camera again.  
  
_“I apologize, it… it’s still not easy. I’m improving. I’m getting better. I suppose it… it’ll never fully go away, will it? I think I accepted that a long time ago. Now I just.. need to learn to accept the rest. I still cannot even begin to express how much… that day…”_  
  
She wipes at her eyes and smiles tearfully.  
  
_“Dearest M. I hope one day I can properly express how much you’ve.. bettered me. As a person. As a mother. As a… friend. But for now just.. thank you again. I hope some day someone can make you feel as blessed as you make others. And if someone already does, then… well…”_  
  
_“Mooom?”_ a voice rings from somewhere outside the room.  
  
_“Oh! I-I should… oh dear. I’m going to end this, Emily’s ready for… we’re going to a movie and…”_  
  
She gets up and walks towards the camera, before stopping, and leaning down a bit so her face is visible.  
  
_“Good luck with your new job. And send Dipper and your parents my love as well. I’ll see you two around easter, right?”_  
  
_“Mom?”_  
  
_“Sorry! I’ll be ready in a moment, apple”_ she talks to someone just outside the screen.  
  
_“Is that for Mabel?”_  
  
_“Yes, it is. I was just finishing up”_  
  
_“I can’t believe I finished mine before you did”_  
  
_“Well, it’s not a race”_  
  
_“Says you. Heeeyyyy M!”_  
  
_“Alright, we’re going. Love you two!”_  
  
The woman leans forward as a small hand waves in the background and the recording stops.


End file.
